Why Does Every Influencer’s Morning Routine Look Like a Job Interview?
Looking at you, Ashton Hall
Open your phone at 7 a.m. and within five scrolls, you’ve already been told your morning routine isn’t enough. Some guy with a jawline like a Marvel villain is halfway through a 10-step ritual that includes a cold plunge, journaling, grounding barefoot in the grass, 45 minutes of fasted cardio, and drinking a greens powder that costs more than your entire monthly grocery bill.
You, on the other hand, just woke up, realized you slept in again, and are wondering if yesterday’s coffee is still drinkable.
Welcome to the modern male morning routine not yours, necessarily, but the one the internet insists you should have. And preferably filmed in 4K with a steel water bottle clinking just out of frame.
The Productivity Olympics Have Reached Sunrise
What used to be a simple stretch, coffee, and shower situation has somehow turned into a pre-dawn audition for a high-performance wellness documentary. You’re not just supposed to “wake up early.” You’re supposed to wake up with intention, journal your goals, sweat out your weaknesses, and then film yourself doing all of it in moody natural lighting.
And while that’s all technically fine, there’s an unspoken message in a lot of this content: If you’re not optimizing your morning, you’re falling behind. Not just in fitness, but in life, business, self-discipline, and overall alpha-male status.
The result? You start your day already feeling like you’re losing a race you didn’t even know you signed up for.
What You Don’t See on Camera
A lot of these influencer routines are designed to be watched, not necessarily lived. The pacing, the gear, the lighting it’s a performance.
They might ice-bath for two minutes and post about it for six hours. Or shoot seven versions of their morning smoothie pour until it looks effortless. You only see the final cut. And if you’re trying to build a life, not a brand, that kind of perfection is not just unrealistic, it’s irrelevant.
The guy who wakes up at 5 a.m. to run a 10K might also have no job, no responsibilities, and plenty of time to “reflect.” Meanwhile, you’re out here working full time, balancing the gym, trying to eat decent food, maybe raise a kid or two, and wondering if stretching counts as core work. (It does. Sort of.)
What Real Guys’ Mornings Look Like
A real morning routine doesn’t have to be film worthy. It might look like:
Rolling out of bed and into your gym shorts
Drinking black coffee while debating if you actually need a mobility warmup
Checking your calendar on the toilet
Eating leftover sourdough (because, yes, you’re making bread now, and no, you’re not cutting carbs)
Maybe you work out at night because mornings are chaos. Maybe your “mindfulness” is just 10 minutes of silence in the car before the workday starts. Maybe you do have a system, but it’s not aesthetic, and it doesn’t involve six kinds of mushroom powder.
All of that is okay.
Here’s the Bottom Line
You’re not behind because your morning didn’t include gratitude journaling, 200 push-ups, and a fully monetized iced matcha. Your routine doesn’t need to perform for anyone.
If you’re hitting your goals, taking care of your body, and slowly building something that actually works for your life, you’re doing more than enough.
So next time someone’s cinematic 6 a.m. routine makes you feel like a goblin for just existing before coffee, remember: most of us are not living in a commercial. We’re just trying to make it through the day with our knees intact and our breakfast not burned.
And if that breakfast happens to include a slice of homemade sourdough? Even better. You earned it.
The Resident Fit Wit,
Zac Bennett